-She’s “too” curvy, she should lose weight. -She’s “too” thin, she needs more curves. – No, you’re “too” judgemental and you need to stop that please.
I can’t tell you how much this irks me. Maybe growing up in a small pretentious town finally got to me. Or going to college with people I liked to call ‘puddles’ for being too shallow and superficial. I have said many things in life that I am not proud of, but when people are judged for their physical appearance, it makes me absolutely nauseous. If you are guilty of this, think what you wish. But please, keep those frivolous and feather brained thoughts to yourself. I might be witty, but I certainly ain’t vapid.
Shaming someone for how they look physically, has become somewhat of a normailty. Parents making sarcastic slurs at pedestrians while their children listen eagerly from their carseats. A mother who is ridiculed for being overweight after having a child. A grandparent mocking someone on television for being too skinny. Children pick up much more than you could ever imagine. And in my house, this will not ever be tolerated, thank goodness.
You cannot tell a persons health- physical or mental, from just looking at them. You don’t know if someone is recovering from an eating disorder. You don’t know if they just lost a spouse or a child and are suffering immensly. Perhaps the group of teenagers shaming a girl for being “fat” as she walks past them in the grocery store aren’t aware that she just worked her ass off and lost 100 pounds. Some of you might be reading this and thinking “This girl is skinny, what does she know about fat shaming?” First of all, large or small, it is all the same in my eyes. Maybe that skinny girl you are calling “boney maroney” is severely anemic. Maybe she is newly sober from an addiction that nearly killed her. Maybe he has debilitating anxiety and depression. Or maybe we have our dads awkwardly long limbs and we were just born this way. The reason shouldn’t matter. To me it isn’t okay.
Healthy is what should matter, Taking care of yourself is what should matter the very most. I have never been overweight, but I was definitely much softer in high school. My parents were in the fashion industry, so looks seemed to be quite important. I was teased by boys for having a round face and not being “as skinny as the other girls”. Which resulted in me hating myself for most of my adolescence. If only I could rewind life and tell 16 year old me that none of these people or their opinions mattered and that my self worth comes from who I am, not what angry people project onto me. Maybe then I would have been able to stand up for myself and what I believed to be beautiful.
If you aren’t happy with the person that you see in the mirror, then do something about it. I gained 55 pounds while pregnant. I was miserable. I complained. I was angry with myself and my lack of self control. Perhaps I was the only one who felt this way, but I was sick of it. So… I changed it. I worked my booty off (literally) to lose every bit that I gained and ate small portions every 3 hours, in order to fit into my wedding dress. This doesn’t define who I am now, but accomplishing something I thought was impossible only built my confidence and made me a stronger person.
It hasn’t all been a cake walk you guys. Although very fortunate, I too have struggled. I have been through difficult times and am far from perfect. If I could give back at all I would say; Whenever you start to doubt yourself and feel powerless in this crazy world, remember that it is okay to ask for help and you are not alone. You can always start over. If you aren’t happy with who you are or how you look, then change it.
Just know that how much you weigh does not project who you are. What you look like doesn’t calculate your success. The number on a scale doesn’t measure your self worth. How you feel about yourself, your accomplishments and the decisions you make NOW are what counts. Your weight or past mistakes do not define you.
This took me nearly 7 years to figure out. Now, I love myself. I know that I am beautiful inside and out. I am enough. I am worth it. People who are insecure about who they are or how they are living their lives, are going to keep on hating. I can’t change that. I used to want to. I soon realized however, that I couldn’t care less. What people think of me is none of my business. Life will get hard, people will be assholes and real struggles will come and go. So today I am going to make do in the body that I have and the circumstances that are here now.
Happiness is an inside job y’all. And I am here to help you in any way possible.
Empowering women (or men) one kind word at a time…